Dear Family and Friends, I am so sorry I have not blogged lately...Well Actually I have but those are being posted over at caringbridge.org/gracepaul. I am currently under construction and there are big changes in store!!! Apparently this is God's new modo for me and the Paul family. My oldest child has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Everyone is doing well but I am taking a bit of a break...somewhat too long of a break to get myself together so to speak...Like the profile pic says...First Things First....Breath!! So please be kind and sweet and hang in there with me while I re-group and...."walk" forward. Can't wait to see you in 2011....OK see and hear from you ...or is it read from you...or maybe write for you...Yeah that's it.....Got to get back to that......and I will soon....God bless and I love you all...Y'all just keep walking even though I'm a bit slow at it these days!!!!!

The Lights Are On But Nobody is home!

How many times have we heard that...The lights are on but no one is home? Mostly in reference to some person that has done something that seems so very obviously wrong in our opinion. Yes I am still gonna talk about is your home a Haven....I'm getting there...( to those of you who got a heads up on Facebook ) Give me a minute, I'm getting there....I got a point to make and then we'll dive into that....So in the context of your home lighting....what if your lights are on but you really aren't home...Go further...what if YOU are home but your lights are NOT on....and then a bit deeper...Now what if....everyone thinks your lights are on and thinks you are home but in fact...you and your family are living in the dark, cold cellar out back???? Now I'm cutting to the chase...Point is...is your home a haven in which everyone can see the Light of Jesus Christ shining through you and your family members? Are you living with the light on? Yes the power bill will be high but who cares...the lights are on...switch to candles!!!
If your home is not a haven filled with his goodness and grace and glory...and shinning brightly as a beacon for those who are traveling through.....well then...you need to get to it now don't ya!!!!!Now if you happen to know me then you know....this home ain't always in any shape fashion or form a Haven....and then there are the moments when the lights come on and Jesus reside here...I like those moments so how can we keep those moment coming.... I don't know..one of you needs to tell me!...But seriously....How about starting with the man in your house... Is this a haven for him? Is he getting what he needs? Have you asked him? Does he like coming home? Does he feel comfy when he arrives? Or is he greeted with....Oh my what did I come home for!!!! Once you think about your husband and then work though some of those thoughts, turn your thoughts to your children. Is your home a place where they are happy and feel loved. Are they content or fussy and crabby? Do they bring friends over? Yep you need to ask them its their house too. Depending on the answers you get you need to go through the same process and add and change till you get just the right lighting...Kinda like those dimmer lighting switches...where you can turn the light up and down (preferably up instead of down!). Now go through the same thought process and think about yourself and then your friends and neighbors. Are they visiting your home. Are they calling you? Are they asking you for the reason for your Joy and Light? If not changes need to be made. Truthfully I am lonely in my home right now and my lighting is not working properly. Some switches work , some don't! But what I want and what God wants for me is clear....well its clear if you read what he has to say about it...and I know this is hard to do and to buy into at times...We all struggle...its ok! What's in your heart?...What are you hanging on for anyways? You have the answers you know you do....so get at it! When it gets tough and you do not know what to do...Yes Pray...but think of this...2 John 1:5-6 "... I am not writing to you a new command, but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.And this is love; that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. So for those of you who know me personally and you are wondering what in the world I am hanging in here for marriage wise..its that simply little word...LOVE.... And apparently it meant a whole lot to the maker, the creator, and the LOVER of us all....So go turn your lights on and Walk In LOVE!!!

Birthday Wishes And Caviar Dreams

Actually, I think the cache phrase is Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams....Honestly I'm not to partial to champagne or caviar....Now some really good sweet wine and I am all in... preferably some ice wine although I have been unable to find any as of late. I recently had a birthday....too old and holding!!!! And the birthday as birthdays seem to do ...got me to thinking....Do any of our Birthday Wishes ever come true? Do dreams wished upon a star ever come to life? Does anything ever work out like it was suppose too? OK ...like we want them too? Is there some magical mystical something another that I have simply never been able to figure out? No, I do not think so. Then I got to trying to remember....yeah that hurt and strained my brain....What in the world did I use to dream of when I was younger. And then I remembered..... I wanted a Piano, I wanted to go to college. I dreamed of growing up and getting married and more than anything in the world I wanted to have children. Lots of children! LOL!!! I always wanted to travel, see the world, live life to the fullest....those kinds of dreams....So how have I done.....????Well, I had a piano and then sold it to get to Ohio to go to Nanny School, I went to college...for 9 yrs!,( College was AWESOME!!!) I am married, and I have 3 children. I have traveled some...but just in the U.S.A. ...but none the less I have seen some beautiful things....some beautiful places....some beautiful events. Were any of them a direct result of wishes wished and daydreams come to life?? Not very likely!!!!...

Yeah Yeah Yeah I know where you think I am going to go with this now...and I will ..but first lets think.....Age 11 wish for piano...age 12 Father buys piano...age 19 I sale piano! Hmmm? So who or what was responsible for the culmination of that dream becoming reality. Not yet...but you know I am getting there!LOL! Well first I had to wish it, then I had to tell the father, then the father had to care enough about the wish to want to also share in the dream and provide the "piano" in this analogy, then the father had to come up with the money to purchase the piano, then he had to find just the right one; in my case it was an "old" upright with the ivory keys worn down and the varnish was non existent,then life happened and I sold it. ( That's the short version)So was it the dream, the wish, or just plain old good luck or good fortune. Hmmm? My answer or opinion is twofold....1) Your dreams and mine come true because of choices made... and 2) in direct relationship to the Father.....Yep Yep you knew I was going there!!! Don't diss me just yet....think on it!!!! For me I am of course referring to my heavenly Father. If ya wish you could chalk it up to your earthly father and your environment as well. Truthfully many people blame and attribute their "sucky" lives to their parents or to the life they were born into. I could go that route and explain it all!!!! Again....CHOICES....But this I know.....Yep....Because the Bible Told Me SO!!!!....Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. "I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Lets face is it all of us have at some point in our lives felt as though someone or something just picked us up and sat us straight down into the fire filled pits of Hell. Well they did and it was God! Choices we make lead to different paths and different outcomes. But during all of it all ,no matter the chosen path the Father has a plan for you...yours just for you....and they are not to harm you...That is not of God...that is of your Choice. So if you are struggling as I am...hold on to your dreams and wishes, take them to your Father with all your heart, pray to him, and then rest peacefully knowing that He is listening and He can be found by you.....but first you must choose! I have made lots of choices and taken many different paths. None of which have ever been null and void of the power of God or the delightful reprieve of a dream!

A Letter From Christ

Early on in my relationship with my husband I use to spend hours talking to him. When I was unable to talk with him in person during college breaks and Holidays; I use to spend hours and days writing him letters. Even when we were at college but were busy with work or studies, I would email him long emails. I got to thinking the other day about how long it had been since I had wrote him a letter. No not a "Honey Do" list but a real letter. How long has it been since you wrote your husband a letter? How about a little love note? Yeah me neither! I did get him a very nice anniversary card a couple of weeks back that was very beautifully written. He got me a humorous one about wanting "hot-sex" or something of that nature. OK - so each letter was suppose to stand for something and it really was not about that, but all I read was the "hot-sex" part and laid the card down and tried my best not to cry or complain. I was hurt but did my best to hide it. After all; 10 years is a big milestone! It should be something special. From our anniversary on there have been some very difficult days. I totally tossed the whole idea of trying to save this mess right out the door and then some. And then I got to thinking about the whole letter writing thing after a Bible study I attended this week. Not just in reference to my marriage either. 2 Corinthians 2-3 reads "You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts. Yes read that again....Let that sink in a moment. Take a long moment if necessary. ............YOU are a letter from Christ!.....I am a letter from Christ!....And my next thought was where is the White-Out ??? I got a few type-Os's!!!!OK so lots of them. Seriously I did think that. I wrote it on a piece of scrap paper right next to me during the Bible study. Now process that some more....what have you been etching on your husbands heart? How about your children? Your neighbors? Your friends? Co-workers? Extended family? What message have you been carrying around? And then I went one more step... I was already crying why not?....Hmmm? No wonder some people tend to run screaming from us Christians in discomfort, fear, or disgust. To think we really piss some people off. Someone apparently had no clue that they were a letter from the King and apparently did not give thorough thought or consideration to the message they were sending. So be mindful of your message and above all else seal it with Love.....After all there is no eraser for what is etched on a human heart...well technically there is.......and his name is Jesus. And He works way better than white-out!

Is Your Husband Your Priority?

Is your husband your priority? Is he even on your list? Umm? No I thought I was suppose to be caring for the kids and our home! Well, yes you are but who's caring for him? So this weeks marriage challenge was for me to list some things I do for him or the family or just around the home in general and then have him rank them according to what is most important to him and his needs. In other words how does he think I should go about my day and continue to meet all of his needs. My first problem was....OK so what do I really do for him? Not much anymore...There are lots of things I use to do. But now he's lucky if I acknowledge that he exist. Now realising this was a bit painful to me. Where did it ever go so wrong? Not sure. Took me a while I finally came up with a list of 10 things. The hard part was not in coming up with things I do but in things I specifically do just for him. Seriously, think on this. Are you putting him first and his needs first? Then you should have no problem making your list. I listed things like: Having "relations" with him, mending his clothes, caring for the children, home schooling, cleaning house, laundry, dishes, calling him during the day to check on him via his cell phone, studying my Bible, and saving him money w/coupons. Guess what? He no where near listed these items in the order that I did. I have been busting my tail off for about 6 weeks now trying to get a handle on the household duties and be a better housewife. I have virtually tried to take back over my home domain so to speak. It's all mine within the inside of the home. Well, I have learned I'm not so talented as I thought. For 10 years I have said 50/50 or else. Now I have embarked on a different adventure and I think it may take me a while to work on it. After all the Proverbs 31 women was just a Mother-In-Laws to-be's dream and not a reality. An ideal type of women to strive to become or as in the case of scriptures to find and marry. So to say that I am struggling to get it all done is an understatement. But I have not failed my any means either. I'm just not satisfied. And then he goes and lists mending clothes, laundry, dishes, and having a warm meal ready for him when he gets home as the last 4 items on the 10 item list! WHAT??? This also lead to a more detail conversation about some other things he needed that were missing. Really they were things that I have stopped doing like showing or giving little tokens of my appreciation ( I thought I gave him 3 (kids)and that was enough!) Funny I was thinking I needed to put my home in order and then perhaps that would help my marriage. I'm beginning to think perhaps I need to make my husband my priority and not the home and the children. I wonder if this is where it went wrong to begin with. Now of course my relationship with God is foremost in my mind, but after that.....Hmmm? Yep, I got lots of work to do. How about you? Is your man your priority? Are you meeting his needs? Yes, yes, yes you have needs too...TOTALLY understand you there...we'll get to that in another post. For further scripture reading on the kind of women God designed you to be and for some marriage guidelines read Titus 2 and 3; Colossians 3; and of course Proverbs 31. No where is it written you have to be a doormat or be abused. And these guidelines also apply if you work outside of the home. If you do read about the "Proverbs 31" women then you will see that she by far worked out side the home as well. I'm not pointing it out I want you to find it!!!! Oh and by the way....my hubby listed "being" with me as number 3! Just in case anyone was wondering...Yeah I know TMI!!!!

Enough Crawling Already....

OK so enough crawling already...rise up and .....Yep that's about the place where I have to insert something other than what I am doing? I am one very hurting and angry women. Do you ever feel this way? So I am confessing here. I carry my anger with my husband way too far sometimes. I go crazy and just knock him right up the side of the head WACK!!!! And oh yes it feels so GOOD!!!! I want nothing more than to be a fruitful vine within my home (Psalm 127:3). Truly! I pray and wish and dream of this wonderful marriage and family! And then I wake up to reality. Sure I am blessed in many ways. I have a husband. I have 3 beautiful children. But ....(Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. I am getting seriously tired of laboring in vain. Now notice that reads builders as in two at the least! I assume as the children grow and contribute they too can build. Gods' design is for both the man and the women to build the home; ideally with the man in the lead. I'm here in the home cooking, cleaning, canning , freezing, changing diapers, home schooling the girls, meal planning, mending his shirts, performing minor surgery on beloved stuffed animals and so forth. And just exactly what is he doing? Oh and I am trying, but struggling my way through a summer long challenge in "Completing Him"! Complete him...What ? There I go again ...Yeah so I am suppose to complete him...sounds like a line from a movie! But you have got to be kidding me.....as I have said in previous posts; I am doing well just to let him live! However, the truth is that yes I am to be his helpmate and should complete him. You do remember I also said the Bible is my standard. So what does the Bible say? Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above not on earthly things. And yes here it comes....Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Hold it...hang on did you catch that?....as is fitting in the Lord. Hmmm? True, it does mean that as a wife I should submit to my husbands leadership. But it also means that I am to submit only to those things that are fitting in the sight of the Lord. Think on that a bit. I'm not talking be a doormat or a punching bag. That would not be fitting in the Lord. But it does mean to Love your husband even in spite of himself. But mostly keep trying to love your self. Because you know he's not going to remember too!!!!!So let me encourage you to stop crawling, rise up and.....Love your husbands! And Lord could you show me the way?????

Viral Invasion

Sorry for no posts the past couple of days. The family and I came down with a virus. I think it's kind of funny that I mentioned crawling in my last post. Fortunately, none of us had to crawl. But there was a lot of running to the restroom! So ...while I was a bit under weather I have continued my very slow read through the Book of Psalm. I am currently reading Psalm 119. This is just from my personal reading time which I try to do daily but sometimes I am studying some particular point out and I spend so much time on that point that I do not get my personal reading time in. Other times I choose to spend a day or so reflecting on my readings. And I will admit there are those times that I allow life to get between me and His word. Sadly it does happen and it is usually on those days that I am feeling overwhelmingly unworthy to come before the Father. But that topic is for another day...Back to the virus. So I am reading Psalm 119 and I get to verse 73; Your hands have made me and formed me; give me understanding to learning your commands. Wow! How much do you love something you make and form with your own hands? Yep that's how much we are loved by Him! Alas, still not my point! But a great verse none the less. Then comes verse 74; May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. Oh my! Lets break that down. The first part of the verse refers to those who fear the Lord. When is the first time you ever met a Christian? No not just any old Christian but one of those Christian NUTS!!!! Yeh you know them. Now what kind of feeling did you get in your stomach the momment you realized they were NUTS?. Yep there it is ...VIRUS!!!! Seriously perhaps it was before you were of the Christian faith. Perhaps you are not a Christian yet. Perhaps you are a new Christain and still get "that" feeling. Now think what do you do when someone knocks on your door and you see that it is two young men dressed in black slacks,white shirt and black tie? Oh yes you do...You RUN! Oh no I am not at home!!! What's the feeling...Virus!!! Even better it's too late to run you have been spotted so now you make up some excuse not to have a little visit. You know you do it. I do it. So what is it we really fear? Surely it is not the little old lady from your church that just spotted you in the middle of Wal-Mart!!! No It's JESUS! You are afraid of HIM. You are afraid of HIS words. No...more so you are afraid of HIS ways. Part 2 of the verse is rejoice when they see me. So how do you think God feels about you running from Him. Well ... He does not want you to fear Him but to rejoice! Do people see Jesus in you? Do they see His ways at work in you and through you? The final part states; for I have put my hope in your word. Are you a person of His word? Honestly I have read this verse a dozen times now and each time I get a different set of goose bumps! But here's the deal this is eactly how I want the world to feel about me. When you see Michelle I want you to see Him and rejoice! I want to put my mind not only into the reading of His word, but to place all my hope into His hands. When you see me I do not want you to run. (Unless it is to run towards me and give me a hug. Because I like me some hugs!) Not only that but If I am wearing my "Christian-ness" correctly according to the Bible as my standard. Well then you should never feel the need to barf or divert and run. Because you see it is my ultimate goal to not only go and be with my Father someday but to also have the Master say ....Well done, good and faithful servant.Oh! and daughter you put just the right amount of salt in it!!!!(Matthew 25:21; Colossians 4:6)...MP

Somedays It's Hard To Walk

Not sure if I walked or crawled today. Still thinking and pondering on it...the day that is...and of course it is not over just yet. I originally wanted to lighten the mood and write something funny today. At least that was my plan this morning. But life happened to occur earlier than it usually does and well like so many other times...my MOOD changed!!! So yesterday I asked my hubby about his prayer needs or requests. Who knew that was going to lead to a fight. So he thinks and says..."well just that the unemployment payment is the same this week and everything works out like they said it would." Repeat! What???? He had spoken to me two or three days before and had given me all the details(or so I thought) regarding the unemployment benefit payments. During that previous conversation I was told that everything was fine for this week and although the money would be tight, we would still have enough to pay the mortgage payment. In my mind I had tossed that little heavy worry to the side and had trusted in him that everything was ok because he said it was. Mistake! So this morning I checked the bank account and of course he did not even come near in getting his normal amount of benefits. Thus; not enough money for the mortgage payment. Now this is nothing new as far as not having enough money. But he just signed papers (last week) with the mortgage company saying he would make our payments on time and in full or forfeit the house to foreclosure. Anyways so I blew it yesterday and today gets no better. The tension in the house was way high this morning. So I did not even ask about a prayer request. He's totally depressed and begins to mope around. This makes me so want to puke. So then I'm staring at this list of prayer items I am to pray for regarding my husband and guess what is number one, two, and three and the list??? Pray for his wife, his work and his finances! Oh are you serious? Me Pray for me!...Well as you can imagine...and even if you can not....I was none too successful with that task either. I did however, stop in my tracks and pray for my husband as he was in the process of learning a very Biblical lesson and he was hurting. (2 Thessalonians 3:10) Well I tried to at least but my heart was not into it. Then the rest of today my heart has ached and my conscience nagged at me because I could not force my self to pray. So today I crawled with the Lord. Ever so slowly I died to self and my MOOD changed. I then opened up to my husband and shared my feelings about a difficult situation I am dealing with regarding some of my women friends. Well..........would you believe? He suggested that I pray about it before approaching the situation and speaking up about my hurt feelings. Yes you read that right! He suggested I pray! I was so proud of him I about peed my pants, but then if I had I would have just added to my own laundry pile so why bother!!! Which leads me to two things: 1. It's OK to crawl! 2. This scripture; Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And now that I am done crawling for the day I think I shall end it with some peaceful sleep as I go to the Father in prayer....

You want me to WHAT????

I just printed off my Completing Him Challenge to do list this am. I am suppose to pray for my husband daily this week. And for bonus pray and fast on one of those days. What? Oh my dear do you not know I am doing good Not to kill him!!! My morning read started off with Psalm 119. I read 1- well I'm not sure where I got to because kept going back to verse 1-8. Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their hearts. That is 1-2. 7 reads I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. Honesty y'all are going to be surprised how many times the Bible speaks of "walking", "to walk in" or "to walk with." So I read these verses and my first halting point was blameless you must be joking...Hmmm? And then in the second verse they who keep his statutes and seek him. Are you Blameless? Me neither! So what is it talking about? Well...go deeper a bit perhaps. I am thinking it means a blameless heart as could be seen in your life through your actions and words. And are you seeking the Lord with all your heart or just half so so doing it... Then in verse 7 I am given a bit of peace of mind in that it reads "as" I learn. So does God cut you some slack? Depends! Where is your heart?....And with that... I need to go ask my husband if he has any specific prayer request today! Oh y'all pray for me this is going to be hard!!!!............ ( For those wondering I am reading the NIV of the Holy Bible....well I read several different ones KJ, NKJ but the NIV is the one I have in BIG BOLD I'm going blind type print...so that's the one I will reference the most.)

My Walk

My Walk refers to my walk with the Lord. I am a Christian. Therefore, the Bible is my standard. Do I live up to that standard? Good question! Which leads me to this scripture: Hebrews 10:14 because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Did you catch that? Read it again. No this does not mean I am perfect by the terms you and I define perfect. Far from it! This means HE loves me and I am precious and perfect in HIS eyes. And I am more than just your run of the mill everyday old ordinary speck of humanity. I am HIS and I am "being made holy." This is not to say that I am already there. That my friends is the journey; the walk. My Walk.......