Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Battle of the BULGE!

Battle? You got that right battle and then some! Who coined that phrase anyways? Stupid phrase really... but accurate! Aaaagh!!! I am so in a battle that I want to win. I am so in a battle that I need to win. So why have I stopped winning? Why am I crying? Why do I hurt? Why am I lonely? Why can I not just call down 10,000 angles and destroy The BACONATOR!!! Oh word I can not tell you how bad I want a BACONATOR right about now....and I am trying to fix the issue with chocolate! What is the logic in that?Why are all these voices in my head telling me I can not do this...that I have already lost and that I am never going to be anything other than fat FAT fat!!??? Why all the questions? I do not know! What I do know is I am gaining weight and I am really NOT happy about it.
It was fun to begin with. Had lots of friends on board encouraging me. Mr Trainer Dude was all excited and worked with me. Made some progress. Lost some weight...Stalled here or there and then ...well then there is now!!!!! I need some accountability. I need help! I need some one to pull a Jillian Micheal's on me and get in my face and scream and home in on the one thing that will trigger this to turn this into everything I WANT it to be! There is some serious pain of some sorts in here buried very deep... I can feel it but cant get there. It needs to happen in the gym perhaps or in my drive way or on my bike. I need an intervention! Ok maybe not that! But then again do they bring chocolate or bacon to those? Yes lets have a party! Someone will surely bring food!!! Party verses an intervention I do not believe those are the same. In my mind they are...And for sure food addiction is just as bad as any crack, coke or otherwise!!!
My spirit wants to run but the weight of my body is holding me captive...really I want to run I want to run free. I want to feel the breeze and get what is that they call it..."a runner's high."!!! I need music...I NEED scripture....No wait I need some people!!!
Calling all Baconator Exterminators!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe call me once a week...maybe walk with me...maybe NOT bring me some delicious sea salt dark chocolate caramel of all kinds of reasons to die that for my big reveal party! Dude chocolate party...I might consider running for chocolate! Oh wait where was I??? Yes Oh yes... I need Warriors! This is a battle I can not win alone...if you are in...well then duh FB me!!!! What is that other coined phrase...No kid left behind... I so want to be the FAT girl that lost her behind!!!! So no bull crap...I'm serious I need ya... I am not doing such a hot job of this anymore....