What I Know and Why I homeschool

Here is what I know...generally on a daily basis. I know where my children are. I know what they are doing. I know who they are with. I know what they are learning. I know what they are playing...and who they are playing with. I know who they are talking on the phone with. For the most part I know who they are texting. I said for the most part because of the one situation thanks to the TEXT NOW program on some other child's MP3 player that my child was texting a total stranger for about 6 days!!!! Yes, the real world does visit us homeschoolers...ever once in a while.
I also know when they are sick. I know what activities they are into and not into. I know when they need clothes. I know when it is not a need as well. I know what they are doing and who they are ( at the moment and in the moment). I know their friends...and their friends parents. I know who has a crush on who and why.
I know one child is raising money for children in India. I know another child has used her allowance to purchase needed items for Surry Animal Rescue. I know their likes and dislikes, their dreams, and their nightmares. Some days I figure out real quick what can and does piss them off. In turn they learn this of me as well! I know what hurts them to look at and hear about. And believe me they are not sheltered by any means what so ever. They do not live in a bubble of any kind unaware of the world around them. In fact, they see and know much more than I; often in ways I do not nor can not grasp. I know this to be good!
I know they know me in ways the rest of the world does not. I pray this is a good thing. I know I live and love in a way that works for me and ours. it is not for everyone. I so get that. No really I do...Also because of what I know. I know I have no privacy and no me time. I figure there will be lots of time for that in the rest home someday. Now it is not a done deal or any kind of a done deal...but perhaps because they know me and I know them...they'll visit me in said such rest home!!!LOL!!! Even better, maybe they will not leave me there to begin with!!!
I know and that IS why I home school. It is what works for us and makes us...US. I know because I just am. I know because I know the I am. I know...well, you know..."because I said so!" Sure there is a lot I do not know...but for now... I'll be happy with just  knowing what I know. Therefore and because of... I home school.

Happy Birthday, Son

My little man turned 4 today. I never knew I really wanted a son. I never prayed for one. But Mr. J. P. was for sure prayed over. It was an unexpected pregnancy; only in the sense that there was a 6 year gap between him and his older sisters. From the very start, even the Dr. did not think I was pregnant. Yep stupid but true. They did not much believe me when I told them I had miscarried the very month before either. And that was equally dumb. However, 4 months after his arrival..."that" Dr. office called to apologize!!! Ya think. Point blank right from the start they told me to prepare myself  for this child to be unviable! What...? Yep that's what was said. Then when that was OBVIOUSLY wrong; they began to find something wrong at every Dr. office visit. I soon became numb to the mess and flat out said...I DO NOT see it. God's got this! NO we are not aborting and NO amniocentesis!!! I was old and fat and high risk with Diabetes...so yep we were doomed according to the PROFESSIONALS!!! So we prayed and our church prayed and our family prayed and our friends prayed....Clear up to prepping be for birth they kept preparing us for the worse. They said because of the diabetes he might "crash". They said his heart was not OK. In came an infant cardiologist!!! Then they said "remember what we said about the spine." If it is open and not formed we are not sure how this is going to go...said the nurse. And in my loveliest calm but screaming voice...as the catheter spinal whatever was jabbed in and then out and in again for a second go of it... I said SHUT UP and OUCH.....that HURTS...and Have I not told you people a hundred times GOD HAS....scream again...GOT THIS. Now go get MY HUSBAND and let's do this!!!!! Poor hubby was listening to me moan and scream out in the hallway aka..Daddy holding area!!! ( Also known as the place they put the dads that might puke or perhaps even kick their butts )So....Jasper was born!!!
I did not get to see even more than a smidgen of a glimpse of his tiny face. Yes tiny...they were wrong about that too. They would not tell us a thing...except one nurse turned to me....as I began to hurl my cookies while laying on the cross!!! The "cross" is the contraption or position they strap you down in...both arms straight out . One has the iv...the other the bp cuffs!!! Yep it is a cross board of sorts...and so they had to toss the entire table over to a tilt for me to ...do what I was doing....and continued to do the rest of the night!! Morphine and I do not agree! That one nurse comes over and says to Rob and I, "that boy is perfectly fine...perfectly!" Rob goes over cuts cord...take pics...everybody is cheering and doing the Daddy got his boy high fives..well kinda sorta without actually slapping the hands...Cause they had to keep everything sterile. I go back to tossing cookies while over and over saying...HE's FINE...really HE'S FINE? Of course after all that...and the slip of telling me he was fine...They revert back to well we gonna take him to NICU and observing him and do a in depth examination....PEOPLE....have you not got this YET!! GOD has got this!!!! But wait what about his spine...no answer! Hours later he's in my arms and in need of a diaper change....And what do our wondering eyes do see...............???? A scar on his tushie crack! A scar/ dimple of sorts. No not on the sides of his tushie cheeks but right there at the base of his spine just as his crack splits is.... a closed up what was once open spine!!! It was weeks before my hubby and I could really process what we knew right then and there to be. OUR God had indeed GOT THAT!!!!
So baby boy who is no baby no more....HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May you live a long, healthy, and happy life. May you always find the air pop popcorn popper facinating! May you always love to ride your blue scooter in my kitchen...May you be everything YOU were born to be...called to be destined to be. And....should things get rough and you find your self with those who would disbelieve. Show them your CRACK!!!

We ARE Expecting....

YES, you just read that right! And no...it does not involve any new rescued four legged friends. The Paul family is expecting. We are expecting BIG BLESSINGS!!! This and so much more. But we are still expecting. However, I with any luck will not be having this one...or these!!!! Don't take that wrong... I have so been blessed but one is all good!!! Yes I do believe one is a rather terrific number. Especially if you are expecting!!! Occasionally multiples are good too.
Confused yet? Still pondering it? That's ok so are we! But none the less we are expecting big blessings because God is a BIG God and although he can do"it" little....he can and DOES do "it" BIG. So despite my little needs and an endless list of things that need to get done we are praying for BIG things. So far things are going just as expected. And really we are ok with that too.
From start to finish...every moment of every day is for us a GOD thang! And if God wants to close the door and change the course we have stepped out in faith to take....well then HE CAN. For now I am "nesting" big time. Every room in my house is in some stage of being scrubbed, reorganized if not remodeled in preparation for our new arrival (s). As the time neared for the arrival of each of my children, I was a CRAZY nesting Mommazon... THIS is so way worse!!!LOL!!! Makes it so much more interesting when you are EXPECTING a visit from DSS!!!! And worse you invited them!!! Who the crack does that!!! No body in their right mind for sure.  Oh DSS? Yes that would stand for Department of Social Services. Talk about some standards to meet. Apparently even God himself does not have standards like these. You know what I mean.......BECAUSE I would not be expecting if he did!!!!...Funny and not so funny all in the same sentence.
Do we have doubts? You bet  we do...a long very long and growing list of them. So don't add to them. We have beat you to the punch. Encouragement is and will always be....so totally very welcome. Yes yes...we thought of that too. See told ya... So folks if you'd like to see or be apart of BIG BLESSINGS just let me know....cause I got a LIST.
Here is THE LIST:
Prayers
Mini Van and or mini bus that seats 7 + Oh hush I said we were planning big...never hurts to plan. ( A 7 seater will be fine!)
One set of STURDY Bunk beds new, used, or homemade...possibly two but I have other options already here in the home
One very good electrician who will work for pennies and the cost of supplies.
Someone to pour a small cement sidewalk...who works for pennies and the cost of cement.
Someone who does small home repairs and small remodel jobs...such as applying caulking in a bathroom or painting a window sill....Who...you guessed it works for all but free...maybe some hugs and chocolate.
A load of gravel
A load of mulch
A fenced in metal dog lot of any sorts you may know of somewhere anywhere....
Someone who can rip out carpet and lay new carpet and or vinyl flooring...one room at a time and for pennies...and supplies. We will need free estimates for any and all of the above....if ya know someone struggling to get by who needs some work and will not rob us blind or steal from us...and does not mind working around lots of kids...Let me know of them and I'll offer the situation up to them for prayer and consideration.
A used but new to us stove and new hood...removal of old hood involves Bees and lots of them...you are forewarned!!! Only 2 burners on my current stove work...in case you are wondering.
Twin and full sized bed sheets (possibly toddler bed sheets)
Towels and wash clothes...
Pack and Play or Crib ( may be needed to borrow...may not be needed ) I have a cradle.
Someone to crawl under our house to remove and place the dryer vent pipe and to flush the water filter..( ya just got to pull or push a lever for that little job...Hubby 6 foot 5...not happening! LOL!!! )
One or two tall dressers...tall ones because they require less floor and wall space
Used or new swing set
Used or new sand box...load of sand or bags of sand
Child care....occasionally....must pass criminal checks
Prayer
Prayer
Prayer...
This is an on going revolving list. Not all items are needed RIGHT now...please pray and ask around. I feel the Lord will lead us to his helpers and he WILL continue to open this door and bless us by allowing us to walk through it WITH HIM. If you would like to be a part of this...let me know. If not that is so ok too.
Let your heart lead you as we have allowed ours to be led.
Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self Control ..... spread them around...share them...see what happens...Likely it is going to be BIG...as in lots of BIG BLESSINGS!

Princess Castles and Fire Trucks

You just may be a mother of a young son if....you wake up in bed with a fire truck jabbing you in the butt crack!!! Siren blaring even!!!! But in his defense he  plays equally nicely with a beautiful pink and purple miniature castle. And honestly the tip of that thing is way more painful...think medieval castle tower with flag waving in the breeze. Did you get that picture? Now picture...being in a sound sleep and realizing very early in the morning that....THAT is not your husband!!!!......!!!! Generally this occurs during nap time. I am at that point with the boy...that I am hanging on to every last moment of his babyhood...and nap time. He proudly tells me, " I do not have to take naps once I turn 4." Yes Yes yes buddy....which means MOM will no longer get a nap. This bites!!! I need a nap with or with out the fire truck noises. But alas, my little man is growing up and recently I got to thinking about the differences in raising a son verses daughters. There are several differences that I never anticipated...some I did. Like I never anticipated trying to teach him to hold his parts while taking a whiz! Seriously isn't that just something MEN know how to do?
I never once , even now think about the girls as someones future wife. Well sometimes I do...but right from the start I have always said...some day he will be someones a husband...and a son in law. So I have opted to raise him accordingly.  Opting to do so and doing so are likely two different things. Bummers! But in reality children do grow up and I want for him more than his father was taught and more than I was taught. It's kind of scary to think of the things your kids might have to face. How do I cover it all? Lesson one...put that toilet seat down...is in full swing! But WOW where do you begin the rest? Some day he will be responsible for supporting a wife and children. He may someday indeed be changing my diapers. How the doodles do you prepare them for THAT!!!LOL!!! Lesson two...we do NOT hit girls is not coming along so easily. Just ask his sisters.
Recently, two of my friends have been having marital trouble. Now as disheartening as that is to see, hear , feel and listen to; almost immediately I began to think about how can I teach my little man to be a bigger and better man...than THOSE men. I think the first thing to do is...pick a great father to begin with. Ummm? Love my husband to pieces...but none of us are the best of role models at times. So then what, how, and when and where...and then back to how? It is my personal believe that the best thing we could now or EVER do for him or for our daughters is to take them to church. Not just take them and drop them off, but take them and get involved in their lives and their learning. Learning about God and life in general is of utmost importance. I would say a few good lessons in personal finance would also help out every kid. But if I screw up everything and fail at it all....for him to see LOVE and GRACE in all walks of life , good days and bad, may just very well cover over some of the not so great things we do or forget to teach. I want him to know he can always come to us and we will always offer advice. But I will not be THAT kind of a mother in law! Y'all listen to this and remind me later.
No matter what I simply want to show LOVE. I want him to LOVE. It's not the LOVE part that cheats on ya wife...and love does NOT load up ya wife's things and hall them off to the dump. Mistakes are made...I know that. Forgiveness can be beautiful and teaches valuable lessons.  But I am so banking on the knowledge of Jesus Christ and the ability to love through all things...to carry my little man through thick and thin. Conflict resolution, communication skills are a plus. LOVE, however some how some way will ....lead to just that and all that. Not just love on the good days but the love that shows up on the bad days. And I can not for the life of me think of a better example of that than in that of God and the life of Jesus Christ.

Faithfully in Weeds

I am well aware that God has a plan. He is the only one with a plan that I know of. Yet I do not know of it. And frankly I do not understand it. That is probably a good thing; perhaps it is but still I wonder some days; with all the plans he is planning out is he really working on mine. Is he working for the good and planning and spinning and molding a Divine plan that is at work within our little family. Some days are long and tough...most of them...and yet I am peacefully assured that HE does exist and yes he does have a plan. And for sure we are all in it. But my worries sometimes lie in what part is his part, what is mine and what is of Satan. I wonder out loud and in my silent thoughts how could God be doing this.
Every year for 6...or is it 7 years... I have faithfully gone out side and sat on the lawn and pulled weeds out from in front of my house. One year I tore up what was left of a jagged sidewalk with a promise from my earthly father to build and pour me a new sidewalk. My husband and I even went and spent a fair amount of money to purchase a cement mold and 16 bags of cement. My father never did build me that side walk and I have 16 dried up bags of cement and a muddy grass path to prove it. With those jagged sidewalk pieces I built a little divider of sorts and re laid the bricks one by one down the side of the house. Purposely making a clear divide between yard...and my weeds! And so as fall rolls in and the last of this years warm enough days rolls through....I am yet again pulling weeds. Why you ask...well simple. I have prayed for a load or two of mulch and a load or two or three even of rocks to take care of our gravel driveway and that prayer has yet to be answered. Silly perhaps you say. Probably so...but there has yet to be any leftover money to take care of things I know a needs a doing. One year however, the Lord did send me a new set of garden tools. He sat them right on my front porch. I am not telling a fib here either. I have a hutch who may or may not have helped him out...not that the Lords need any help ...but he does use others in his works and in his plans. So faithfully I know he has a plan. Not just for my weed patch but for me and you. But indeed a plan for my weeds, my house, my life, our lives and life in general.
Sometimes my faith is tested; like when during the winter months of rain one of my kids walks though my living room with mud caked on their feet and thus trailing it behind them. All due to no sidewalk and not mulch. Foolish you think...well again perhaps. But then again one year a few bags of rocks were delivered to help out at the end of the handicap ramp. Those couple of bags of gravel helped with the mud and helped to ease the difficulty of getting my daughters wheelchair up the ramp without the trail of mud. And so I have faith that someday things will look a bit nicer around here. I also know that my faith will be tested time and time again. So it was not surprise today when the phone rang as I was a pulling weeds with a message of not so good news. Heartbreaking news for one of my daughters. My oldest daughter has gone through a lot in her 12 yrs...and now to find out that she is going to have to see a doctor about getting a back brace and as a double hitter she is having medical trouble with her kidneys as a result of her pediatric diabetes. So while pulling weeds I listened to wails of pain and fear and doubt. Faith being tested shows itself in many forms. Today I was asked what could his plan possibly be and why is he doing this. I honestly don't have answers. Well not the ones understandable to a child. Not even understandable by adult standards really.All I know is...I have Faith and a whole yard full of WEEDS. Someday I'll have a flower garden...mulch included. Until then you'll find me every year Spring and Fall....faithfully in the weeds!

Matthew 18:15-17

While reading Matthew 18:15-17 I came to this conclusion. But first let me share...Matthew 18:15-17; 15. If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you,you have won your brother over. 16. But if not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or tax collector. My first thoughts were OK this is in reference to if  your brother has sinned against a BROTHER. Next thought was did I get accused, did my brother get accused or is this meant to reference the sin of another brother or sister. I am perplexed because the only obvious sin has been against God. So perhaps other scriptures address that.I am so sure there is...but as I am in the middle of this one...so then I'll just add that in on another day and another time and another study. Matthew 18 was tossed so I'll just catch that one and roll with it. Anybody catch Matt. 17??? Yep I did too!!! Sounds horrible doesn't it. And if one just stopped there one would think there were so justified in tossing that one around and so riding it for all it was worth. BUT lets not...lets go on a bit. Humor me.
So my next thought was...Hmmm? So how would one treat their tax collector? How would one treat a PAGAN? Hmmm? Well you can choose to take to roads of thought here. Road 1 leads you to delve into how the peoples of the "bible times" or of that time period in history...would and did treat those with said such  labels and or title. Road 2 would and did for me lead me to wonder well how did JESUS treat the tax collectors and pagans? For those who do not know or understand where this is about to go....let me take you there.  TURN or go google Luke 19. Don't worry go on...I'll wait. Open up two windows you can so do this...or whip out ya Bible. Now  just so you know I hate writing out scriptures. I hate cherry picking at the Bible. And for sure this personal Bible study of mine will continue to go on. There are several cross reference's that I still need to check out. But this is simply too important to leave hanging over and on another sunset. So read it....Jesus dined with the sinner...the tax collector. In this case in point all was well. Jesus shows up the tax collector repents and makes amends...all is well. Now how about the pagans...Well...I simply went to the WELL.  John 4 4-42...a slightly long read...But Jesus talked with her, sat with her, drank from the well water she had drawn. He was gentle. He was well spoken and truthful. Respectful to her at all times. Reassuring even. And then off she goes tells the village all is well.
One would think...as many o Christians do... I would not even hint that all was well. Likely no one is even going to go behind me and read this stuff . I likely have lost what tiny audience I already had. I mean seriously that might give evidence for the other side of this issue. Plus this post is NOT too funny and I had rather make you laugh. But sure enough in both cases there was repentance and forgiveness and life went on. It was good. However, the issue in question...my question to OUR Father...was; so OK how would one treat a pagan or tax collector? YOU will not believe how many reference's God has given us through the example of his son as to how to treat a take collector or non believer. Someone should seriously write a book on it. Oh wait they did. I am not going to quote every quote. There is always a rebuttal and there is surely one here somewhere as well. Shocking or not...we can read and we see what was written just as you. But for at least me and mine and in conclusion...my conclusion....we are going to Walk as Jesus did... (Well you know except for all those mistakes we make...because we are not Jesus.)
And just as an added bonus...that brought me to tears thinking of a dear sister of mine (Sister in Christ kind of sister...and lets just not get going on that in or out of Christ thing). I am still choking up!!! Shocking no less. BUT...just above or right before Matthew 18:15, is the story of the LOST SHEEP. Lord oh Lord in normal circumstances I would never say this...But GO... you go...leave me and go find her. I'll hang out over here with the rest of your flock. Not that this particular flock is in any kind of an agreement as to in what direction we are going to go. But Lord, YOU hold her, and lead her ..you love her. I will not wonder off while you do what you do best. LOVE

Butt Cheeks and Handle Bars

There is that moment when you are on what some have affectionately called a "runners high" that you have laid it all on the line and you have given it all you have. In this case though it's on what I affectionately call, "The Bike"!!!  A recumbent bike at that...LOVE my Bike!! So I am on The Bike and I am peddling for all I am worth. I have gotten over the, " I do not want too's", and the I cant's, and the what in the world do I want this fors....I am in the zone!!!
Oh yes I am!!! Big Ole me is in THE ZONE! I am past the crying. Past the whimping out. Got my tunes blaring in the background . All children and the husband have been accounted for. Chores are done or as done as they are going to get at the moment. It is one of those moments where you learn just what you are made of and just how far you can push yourself. In that moment my hands are usually poised just off to the side..more so in the front...boxer chic style...floating not resting on anything. My head is down, but my eyes forward and fixed...on the wall. I'm not really looking at anything.
It is likely I have just prayed to God for the help that I know I am going to need to finish this, both the here in the now next 4 minutes and the entire 331 lbs to 185 journey. There is no tension on the wheel. I am just free flowing. My muscles have long since totally freaked out and gotten over it. There is sweat running down my legs and into my socks. Did I mention I am in THE ZONE!!! It is in this fast paced and fleeting moment that I realize......the noise I am hearing that is breaking my concentration is.... YEP it is...It's my upper thighs/legs/ butt cheeks flapping in the wind and smacking the top of the side handle bars. Well what is a girl going to do? You bet I crack up laughing so hard I began to gasp for breath cause you know my rhythm is all thrown off now. In the laughter and chaos I drop my hands down by my side to confirm what my ears have already heard. In that moment I also realize that although yes indeed my over abundant supply of cottage cheese is in fact doing just that ( slappin da bars); I further discover.... my butt cheeks are with in the inside of the handle bars...and NOT resting on and flowing over the sides of THE BIKE!!!!!!! Well praise Glory to God...Bike ride over! I had to get up just so I could do the Happy dance right then and there!!! Happy Dance... Happy Dance... H A P P Y  D A N C E !!!!!!! Alert: There is LESS of me!!!!!!! And more so... I am still me and I AM ON THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!
Prime example why I am not so excited about going to a "gym". I know for sure I will not lay it all on the line...not even for a second...if I think someone just might be looking. I mean can you imagine the riot that would have caused at the GYM...!!!!???? And you know the next thing that would happen is that someone would post it on youtube!!! Nope Nope Nope... I think I'll keep my cardio work out right here in the safety of my own home!!! Just me and my bike...flappin in da breeze!!!!!!!!

I Like Purple Rubber Duckies

I like purple rubber duckies ...really I do. I like the regular yellow ones too but purple is my favorite. After some very long weeks that I thought were never going to end, I finally got to take a Bubble Bath this weekend! ....I know I know isn't that exciting!!!! Whilst I was all alone in the house...I began some sort of silent in my head only monologue. And it went something like this...
Hmmm? Kids  are gone! Hubby is gone!!! Ummm? So what do I do first??? Yes yes...chores! So I vacuumed and did dishes, and some laundry...and I surely did read my bible some too. After all that, I was getting bit sleepy and a bit BORED!!...I know I know... I'll take me a bubble bath, I said to myself; because no one was here to announce it to. So me and myself and I went to take a bubble bath and it went sorta like this....
I wonder if there is enough hot water after having done the laundry and dishes? What shall I use to make the bubbles??? Yes Yes the hubby's shampoo will work! Do do de do!!! Look at those bubbles. This is going to be awesome. No one is here...is is sooooo nice! Hope they're ok. that be real cute me here in the bath and they could have driven off the road and be lying in the ditch needing help and here I am taking a bath. Oh Lord forgive me...but that bath be looking some kind of fine!!!... In I go!!!! OUCH what the....? Goodness...really? Goodness night there's another one!!! OUCH!!! Come on seriously! Aaaagh!!! No really ...(insert really long sigh)!!!  Now... ok that's better.You know I really like these here purple rubber duckies...but as for those little matchbox cars, those suckers HURT!!!! You just may be a mother of a boy if ... you  are taking a bubble bath with CARS!!!...Oh oh and a matchbox airplane too!!! BONUS...NOT!!
That's went it hit me....I am so LUCKY to be a Mommy but especially lucky to have both a son, and two daughters. But for sure BOYS are different. They just are....never ever has one of the girls peed on my clean laundry. Never has a one of my girls even tried to pee on the family dog. The girls never tried flushing...anything other than...WAY too much toilet paper. Jasper...well now...HE keeps me busy!!! Boys are just DIFFERENT. And I am soooo BLESSED! And I might add....I think I love him!!!
So the point is.....Love the little things...kids and all. One day soon...I will not little kids in the house. And yes...this is where I started to cry. I am not sure I like it that my fella is finally potty trained! Ok so well sorta trained. I may have to buy some dog pads or something!! No I would not really do that! Well....I might!!! Anyways....love ya loves...and be THANKFUL...

What would it be?

What would it be like? What would the world be like with no love? While driving in the rain this evening I began to wonder just how horrible things would be with NO love. As I gazed on endless examples of love in a world that some say is going to hell in a hand basket to begin with, I pondered...no really WHAT would IT be like?
Would cave men have ever bothered with a fire? Would a mother even think to lean over a pick up her new born child? Or perhaps she'd just leave it laying there, too bothered by the thought of carrying and caring for another one of "those"!  Wait what would caring even look like? Ummm... there would be NONE! Without love nothing would have ever evolved. And I really don't care where you think we came from or what you think we came from. Just think on it for while. Think NONE zero no no no LOVE. No momma bird...no daddy seahorse. No lion with any sense of Pride. Funny or not think on this...if and I so say if...if we came from some blob of an organism...well what if "it" never loved it on dry land!
I looked out in a murky parking lot and surely I could see hate and disgust. But there was so much love. What if that elderly women never cared to tenderly hold her husbands' hand? Would a father ever shield his child from the rain? Would a grandma run screaming at her grandchild that bolted free in a busy parking lot? Would we even look at each other? Would we even really exist? Don't even get me started on the crime or pollution rates. I did not even want to go there. But if you do...think about it long and hard. What if there was no LOVE.
There would certainly be no weddings regardless of your orientation! No college education. No vacations or even staycations. No healthcare. Zip ...zero help of any kind!  Then the tears began to roll and I thought oh my what if...no one ever loved. No one ever spoke truth because with out love there is no truth. No truth...led me to ... NO Father!! Which led me back to what if he never loved me. Then there would be NO SON. And that is where I stopped because...well because that was just too scary for me!! No really it was it gave me the weebie geebies!!! No love......Hmmm? What would it be like?

Battle of the BULGE!

Battle? You got that right battle and then some! Who coined that phrase anyways? Stupid phrase really... but accurate! Aaaagh!!! I am so in a battle that I want to win. I am so in a battle that I need to win. So why have I stopped winning? Why am I crying? Why do I hurt? Why am I lonely? Why can I not just call down 10,000 angles and destroy The BACONATOR!!! Oh word I can not tell you how bad I want a BACONATOR right about now....and I am trying to fix the issue with chocolate! What is the logic in that?Why are all these voices in my head telling me I can not do this...that I have already lost and that I am never going to be anything other than fat FAT fat!!??? Why all the questions? I do not know! What I do know is I am gaining weight and I am really NOT happy about it.
It was fun to begin with. Had lots of friends on board encouraging me. Mr Trainer Dude was all excited and worked with me. Made some progress. Lost some weight...Stalled here or there and then ...well then there is now!!!!! I need some accountability. I need help! I need some one to pull a Jillian Micheal's on me and get in my face and scream and home in on the one thing that will trigger this to turn this into everything I WANT it to be! There is some serious pain of some sorts in here buried very deep... I can feel it but cant get there. It needs to happen in the gym perhaps or in my drive way or on my bike. I need an intervention! Ok maybe not that! But then again do they bring chocolate or bacon to those? Yes lets have a party! Someone will surely bring food!!! Party verses an intervention I do not believe those are the same. In my mind they are...And for sure food addiction is just as bad as any crack, coke or otherwise!!!
My spirit wants to run but the weight of my body is holding me captive...really I want to run I want to run free. I want to feel the breeze and get what is that they call it..."a runner's high."!!! I need music...I NEED scripture....No wait I need some people!!!
Calling all Baconator Exterminators!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe call me once a week...maybe walk with me...maybe NOT bring me some delicious sea salt dark chocolate caramel of all kinds of reasons to die for....save that for my big reveal party! Dude chocolate party...I might consider running for chocolate! Oh wait where was I??? Yes Oh yes... I need Warriors! This is a battle I can not win alone...if you are in...well then duh FB me!!!! What is that other coined phrase...No kid left behind... I so want to be the FAT girl that lost her behind!!!! So no bull crap...I'm serious I need ya... I am not doing such a hot job of this anymore....

Canned Bacon

Canned Bacon Yum!!!! Don't you think so? I can not even begin to imagine why not. But believe it or not I did watched a video on how to do this. One of my late night prepper excursions. Heard of them crazy preppers yet? No ? Google it! Have fun!!! I'll post on prepping later or sooner or later...like maybe some day. But for now just know YOU can CAN BACON!!!!!! Also when the crap hits the fan as the preppers like to say ...the bacon may or may not be located at my house. I'd say not till I get a pressure cooker and some money to buy that bacon by the pound at the meat market! Got to thinking what my 3 favorite things would be to stockpile you know just in case. Not anything that would make sence exactly. Just my comfort gotta have things. Don't worry I have already freaked out and started stock piling Grace's insulin. Thank you very much patriot nurse. Yes you can google her too. She is a spit fire and right on the mark most of the time; in a wacked kind of way!!!
So back to the topic. WHAT IS THE TOPIC?....Oh yes...my top 3 gotta haves.
3. Bacon
2. CHOCOLATE
1. Toilet paper! Duh!!!!

What is your top 3? Let me know?....Also what does the Bible say about this prepper stuff? Anybody know? Go look! Yes you! Go!!!! I finally figured out how to respond back to your messages so message away!

A New Routine

I have been pondering for a couple of weeks on designing myself a new workout. This is not my cardio workout but more so my strength training one. I have been under the weather for a while...way UNDER the weather but thankfully just ABOVE pushing up daisies!!! This is workout number 3 for me. The first was wild, crazy, and made me puke! I soon decided about week 3 that it sucked and I was done with that. So I slowly evolved into workout number 2 after some in home instructions and guidance from my Mr. Trainer Extraordinaire. So workout number two has served its purpose and it is a keeper. However, I just want to add some other things in that I think have been missing. This is currently not trainer approved...apparently he can't work his new phone yet and hasn't located his computer recently. Anyways here is my disclaimer; I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for ANY INJURIES!!!!!!! YOU yes YOU ARE! So listen to you body!
At some point I will back up and add in workout number 2 but for now here is number 3. Which is really the one you should begin with to begin with! Know what I mean??? If not you are not alone. How about a nice ...START HERE!!! Well then again you decide. This one is more standing and sitting in a chair as apposed to sitting and laying in the floor. Sorry for any confusion!!! I am so new to this.
Exercises for Balance, Flexibility and Strength...designed with the 200 lb + groupies in mind. But generally for anyone. Oh and lets get this clear....The names of these exercises may not be the same for everybody everywhere. I learned that right from the start which drove me nuts while looking online for NAMES of moves and exercises and such....Oh and this is the shortened version. I have my own number of sets and reps listed as well as what muscle groups are being worked. I did not include those. Sorry...but each person is their own person and has their own abilities and if I list mine then you may try to copy it and could get hurt...SO LISTEN to your own body!!!
Now.....all that said:
Pray
Towel Stretch
Wall Lean
Wall Push-ups
Thigh Stretch
Toe Points
One-Legged Stance
Hip Flexion
Heel Toe Gait ( drunk man's walk )
Military Press
Lateral Raises ( arms )
Upright Row
Toe Stands
Hip Extensions
Lateral Leg Raises
Seated Curls
Knee/ Leg Extensions
(one the floor) Groin stretch ( yes it is funny...but don't go there)
Full Body Stretch ( on back )
Sit or just continue to snooze on ya back....for more prayer
and Finally Relax and Meditate.....Thank God for your Health and Body
Imagine Fat MELTING off of you...Smile!
Do it all over again.....tomorrow!!!!

Only took me about 25 minutes...so I added part of Workout #2 for an additional 5 minutes. Little OCD issue and I was not stopping at 25 minutes. Goodness that is an ODD number...NO WAY!!! Although I did bike for 37 minutes this morning...only cause I can't do math real well while trying to peddle at the same time! And for sure adding gum would have killed me!
As you can see it bores me to tears to just work one muscle group...so I tried to work everything at least a bit. And so we are on the up and up...my lower back and calves are aching a bit...So my muscles got worked!!! At this point I am in build and strengthen mode as opposed to the beginning where I was in the JUST MOVE mode. Let me know what ya think? Thoughts welcome!!!

Where are ALL the Perfect Christians?

Where oh where are ALL the perfect Christian's? Where is my perfect Christian life?If you are perfect...please stand up!!! Go on you seem to have to have it all and have it all together. You're perfect aren't ya? That's right ...me neither! And today was not a perfect day. And this not so perfect christian blew her blooming top off. Yes I do have a bit of a temper. Self control is one of the fruits I struggle with. Like to have squeezed that little booger till it's head popped off today! Actually no squeezing involved just a nice swat to the head with Jasper's shoe!!! No children where harmed or involved in this momentary lapse of perfectness. Just one of Jasper's shoes... Ok Ok I'd have to add telling lies to the list of my not so perfectness if I said they were not involved or harmed in some way....they live here and have me as there MOM. Some days I wonder what God must have been thinking when he made me and gave me my blessings. Actually most days I wonder WHAT is HE thinking!!!!
So let me be clear this sinner saved by grace is no perfect nothing. Well perfect in the respect that most of us will think of as perfect. Good thing is I am and always will be the apple of HIS eye! Today I'm a bit too ripe and have a few too many sun spots on me...bordering on slightly rotten. Stress does really horrible things to otherwise very sensible people. As some of you know ...we are a NO income family at the moment...and I am stressing. Does stressing and worry mean I have no faith. Really I think NOT! NO because if we thought.."oh well no worry...God's got this...I'll just keep on keeping on." Then we would never ever turn to him. I would never pray and I would never read and I would never seek HIM. Take that as you will...Some of you will take it the wrong way. For sure I know where I am going. That is not the issue. Well I could turn from that and make a different choice. We do have free will and a choice. Let's be clear I choose GOD. It's my choice....but that does not mean I am perfect and have no worries and should not worry. That's just crazy talk when Christians portray themselves as perfect and having no worries. I feel pretty confident that a certain amount of healthy worry brings about good changes that occur only as a result of some very stressful days.
I am aware that Jesus tells us NOT to worry...So could I have this all wrong...you bet! But the worry I am referring too I liken too the sorrow and anguish kind of worry that Jesus may have felt as he prayed. I mean if you are sweating blood ...I'd say there is a bit of stress! Sorry but yes when other people or circumstances take me off the path I feel the Father has hand picked and planned for me; I'm a gonna worry worry worry till I am back to where I know HE wants me to be...And here in this mess is not of HIS design. Yes I could have that all wrong I could I could...after all I am just an imperfect Christian.
But hey I do know this...Don't get in my face and tell me to shut up. I just may go all unsouthern lady like and take Jasper's shoe after you. Sorta like ya Momma and Daddy use to do when ya did something real wrong and they took a switch after you...that they made you go get. One that if it was not big enough they went and traded it in for a TREE LIMB!!! Seriously if Momma and Daddy or Granny in my case never ever worried how we were going to "turn" out...if they knew, "hey God's got this;" would they have ever bothered to tear ya leg up with that switch? No...it's because they were WORRIED...that you just might grow up and be...Oh word...one of those imperfect heatherns...or worse an imperfect Christian!
(Click on the title and I posted a song for ya...go ahead...just do it!)

The Cat That Grace Prayed For

A few weeks back Grace traveled with her father to do some of his house inspections. At one of these houses there were some cats. Grace took a fancy to one of the cats and wanted to bring it home. Of course my husband said "NO WAY'"!!! He called me on his way home and I could hear her wailing in the background. Me...being me said, "why did you not let her bring it home"? And thus there was a long discussion via phone as to what were we going to do about this poor child crying like I had never heard her cry since getting diabetes! Well of course her daddy did not go back and get this cat. So Grace, Jasper and "the dad" came home where mass pandemonium reigned. I spend the next hour telling her why she could not have the cat and why we were not going to go back and get it. I did agreed to have her dad go back and check on the cat to make sure it belonged to someone and was not just abandoned. Grace still sobbing returns to her room but calms down and seems to be ok.
Little did I know she went to her room and began to pray for the cat. She prayed for the cats safety and care and for it to know it was loved. She then prays for a cat of her own. You see sister has 2 pets; a guinea pig and a dog...so she was feeling left out in the pet owning business. SHE WANTED A CAT!!! And so she continued to whimper and sob in her room for a cat. Meanwhile family life goes on and we have dinner and go on about our usual daily routine. It gets close to bedtime...its dark and Buddy the dog has to go potty. My husband takes Buddy to go potty outside and just as he is about to finish and come in with the dog...he calls me to come outside. There is a certain tone to the call...not alarm but a you ain't going to believe this ...kind of a tone. He brings the dog in and puts him in the kennel and says..."come look!"
It is not every ofter my husband has nothing to say but he simply said..."I think I have been overruled" and then falls silent. Just as I lay eyes on A CAT coming right up the ramp to our house and promptly rubs up against my legs and then goes over to my husband and curls up next to his feet. We obviously both have a NO WAY look on our faces. I asked what are we going to do? I asked if this was the same cat? It is not. I asked if it is possible another cat could have hitched a ride. Not likely they were more than 30 miles out from the house and had made several other stops in between the house with the cat and home. So what do you do?
I came inside and asked Grace to come outside to the porch. She says NO! I call her again and I said..."Oh Grace you are so going to want to come out here right now to the front porch." With tears stains and red splotches still visible on her face...she reluctantly comes out to see me...I point to the front door. She looks confused. I say...I think Daddy and I have been overruled. She looks confused. I then bring her to the door and point to the cat. Her eyes light up like she has just won the lottery and she doesn't even know what a lottery is. She falls to the floor in a flood of tears and amazement. Crying out that..."this is the cat I just prayed for...this is my CAT!" Not even believing my hubby I asked her if she was sure it was not the cat from the house. She assures me the cat from the house was a lot different and no other cat was there that looked like this cat does. She commences to praising God out loud like I for sure have never done. You know the holding nothing back don't care who sees me...kind of THANKING GOD out loud kind of praising GOD that us adults never seem to do know matter how much we say we love and believe in GOD. The way we SHOULD all praise HIM! She then panics and says she needs food for it and a house for it and....on and on and on and on. And so....Esther is currently sunning herself on my front porch...as I type!!! Be careful what ya pray for. More so be careful what your children pray for!

What NOT to do...

Warning: This is not for the faint of heart or those with bladder control issues. Tonight after an extended illness I finally managed to get through 30 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of yoga, pilate's, whatevers...along with weight lifting. Aaaaagh! Muscle spasms I have missed you!!! But while in all my glory working out, I was reminded...by my drifting mind; that I had not shared my complete list of things NOT to do while working out. So here ya go!
10. Do not under any circumstances rub Vicks vapor rub on your forehead and then workout...especially if you think you just may actually sweat!!!
( If you for some crazy reason forget this...be sure you are up on your first aid eye wash training!)
9. Do not let one of your feet slip off your new exercise bike during your workout. The other foot will undoubtedly take a ride of a whole new kind while you attempt to catch the other pedal! Do not lean over while trying to place your free falling foot back onto the run away pedal...you will get hit in the head!!!
8. Wear cotton or dry weave/wick clothing at all times...just trust me!
7. For us well built ladies....A sports bra is a must. Do not go with out one. Ya sistas will thank you!
6. Never lay on your back and toss a weighted exercise ball straight up in the air...without a clear understanding of how that is going to feel when you catch it. More so make sure you have a clear understanding of how it is going to feel when you do NOT catch it!!!
5. Do not pass gas with tight tight exercise clothing on. I promise...IT HURTS!!!
4. It is also a very good idea to always have a good grip on your weights. Such as when lifting a 15 lb weight over you head. Should you not listen to me...I know some of you will not. Trust me you will learn to dodge and weave and dance faster than you ever imagined. Of course dodging, weaving and dancing...are exercises! Right?
3. Do not wear cheap foot wear! Sorry nothing funny about that it is the TRUTH! Your feet, legs, and back will thank you!
2. DO NOT EVER think you can not do this! Because you can! YOU CAN! It of course helps to have family to support you, a trainer who believes in you, friends to encourage you, and a God to see you through the entire span of the journey.
1. And finally...having not followed the above advice...Should you find that you indeed DID rub Vicks Vapor Rub on your forehead and chest in an attempt to help you breath while working out despite the worst cold of your life...DO NOT SCRATCH ANY PRIVATE PARTS!!! I do not care how bad it itches...JUST DON"T!

Lap 1.....

Eight weeks ago I embarked on a journey. A journey I never really imagined I would actually go on. I am traveling to ME. Almost everyday I am at least walking for 30 minutes and then at another time during the day I also "exercise" for about 40 minutes. Currently I am doing 45 and 45 minutes on each of those, but when I started it was all I could do to walk 15 minutes and exercise for 20. So shoot a bug !!!! I am doing stinking AWESEOME!!! Not everyday is awesome though and certainly not every moment within that day or even within those workout times. There is a whole lot of stuff going on in my life and there is for sure a whole lot of stuff going on in my head. By Lap 4 there is nothing but stuff in my head! Here is today's recap!
Lap 1.... Lap one is a warm-up lap. I use this time to get all the kinks out. You know get the shoes on right and laces tied. I try to stretch all those muscles I supposedly have even though I have no clue as to there whereabouts. Fix the headphone/earplug thingamajigs! Cue the music to just the right song. Make sure the neighbors boxer/bulldogs are caged in and not running after me. Those kinds of things and then I am on to the next lap.
Lap 2... Oh I am starting to feel it now and I am looking for an OUT! You know...the Hmmm? Did I turn the oven off? Did I check Grace's glucose readings? Ummm? Maybe I'll just get the mail and go back in and read the mail and oh yes I need to read my Bible...that is priority you know! About halfway threw lap two I start thinking wow how nice would it be if I had one of those water tables set up like they do in all the cool marathon races. Oh that would be fun...you know walk by grab one spill ten and then not drink it...dump it on my head!!!
At Lap 3... I am beyond thinking anything sensible. Where is my ticker timer clock thingie...bet one of those on this here electric pole would be loads of fun. Or one of those scrolling message thingies...with messages like WAY TO GO...OMG YOU ARE SO AWESOMENESS!!! Or simple like, " Lap 3 Baby and you are so feeling it keep going!!! Now I am wanting the water table so I can grab another one or two and pour one down my back and the other down my bra! I am at this point also looking over my shoulder every once in a while to make sure my neighbor is not about to run me over! That has happened twice now...after all I got those ear buds in my ears and can't hear anything but MUSIC and my heavy breathing of course!
Lap 4... At this point I am dizzy from looking back over my shoulder wondering who is going to run me over and from the heart rate being up for while now. I am starting to whimper so I start cuing the music on songs like, "This is WAR!" and "Indestructible!" I start stripping off clothing! Lord help the neighbors...there is no telling what they are thinking and at this point I don't care! Jacket comes off and is tied around my waist! Wait...Wait...Wait for it...I just TIED my jacket around my waist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh Oh Oh and is that sweat on my knees? Why yes it is. How did that get there? By golly I got slack in these here jeans and I LOOK GOOD!!!!! ( of course it's all in my head folks cause I still weigh 285!) I at some point think it would be fun to throw me some ROCKY boxing punches in there to spice things up a bit. I ponder trying to jog...but only ponder it. I have been told no jogging and no jump roping for fear of a black eye or two as well as other possible injuries. I touch the pavement for the forth time and I'm crying. I am pissed off at this point and every muscle I have is telling me that I can not do this. I have 1/2 a lap to go to get back to my house and home of my favorite RECLINER! I cue Shine as I round the corner and a lay my eyes on the prize! The prize being...my neighbors drive way! Which goes straight UP HILL!!! I only got to go half way right? That's right halfway up there is a nick in the pavement...my marker. Just head towards the marker!!!If the neighbor runs me over or the dogs get loose at this point....I will be one HAPPY women! Eye on the prize ...Eye one the prize Michelle!..Hands are on hips. I am gasping for breath...yet equally exhilarated and thrilled with myself...I am almost there. BUT wouldn't it be nice to have one of those water tables they have in those fancy marathons. You know the ones where you can grab a water, knock ten over and DRINK ONE!!! I am at the bottom of the hill...if I cut it here and go on in...no one is ever going to know the difference. I have been at this for about 47 minutes now...then again how would I know I don't have one of those fancy clock/lap timer thingies! I am NOT a quitter! I am NOT a cheat! I am not a liar! Get you hind end up that hill!!!! You know it is hard to find your marker when there is sweat in your eyes. There IT is!!!!!!!! Stomp it STOMP all over it!!! Now tuck and roll! Forget that silly paper cup of water! I want a BIG 16 ounce bottle! Yes yes drop a lemon in it, slap on a nipple, I am going to crawl right on under that table, kick my feet up just like baby Carson and drink my fill ....in my Father's lap! Actually in my recliner...because I do NOT have no water table station! Bummers!!!
I did it! I did it! I did it!!!...I think I'll bog about it!

Top 20 Countdown

Well 2011...is gone...the end of the world did not occur. So I am told the math was a little shotty and this is the year! But until we have got all the math right...which will never occur, here is the top 20 things I am looking forward to in 2012. In order from the least to most excited about or thereabouts!

20. Just a NEW year! Goodness can you believe it...365 days ( If I manage NOT to die! )
19. All the places I can go! READ THE BOOK then you'll know!
18. Getting lost and not finding some of me!!!
17. Finishing my second read through of the Bible. I am in Mark. I am a slacker tried to do it in a year...and well...I am in Mark!
16. Finding my bar in my kitchen...no not that bar...that one is located in the pantry...followed closely by;
15 Organizing my bar and finding a new use for it...besides its obvious usefulness in holding parts of nearly all my household junk! You know Medical supplies, Christmas decorations, home school books, Star Wars Light saver saber thingies, Vicks and electric razors!
14. Finding out if my Garlic has rotted or is actually making me some awesome...GARLIC!!!
13. Finally breaking through Ella's dyslexia and hearing her read with confidence...preferably once her WAS is not SAW and SAW is not WAS....Along with 6 being six and 9 being nine!...
12. Spending some quality time with the husband without children and no grocery shopping!
11. Watching Jasper grow into a young "little" man!
10. Finding ways to help Grace struggle though...Diabetes!
9. Walking in my second Diabetes Walk and not gasping for breath and not crying!...Ok lets stick with no gasping for breath. And perhaps we can actually raise some money for JDRF this year! Oh and TY to who ever made an anonymous donation this year!
8. Selling GS Cookies.....and by the way...they ARE on sale NOW!!!!!!!
7. Watching Ella with her new best friend...Buddy!
6. Taking a VACATION...anywhere...and I mean just ANYWHERE!!! We have not been on vacation in 5 yrs!!!!!!
5. Bra shopping and teaching my little ladies how to shave and how to me real LADIES!
4. Spending even more time with the best family and friends any women could ever have online and off, in church and not, lost, saved, washed, dipped, clipped and all those not in any of those categories...straight crooked or otherwise...Goodness night I love you all!!!!!!!
3. Learning and then doing.....who cares what...just learning and doing!!!!
2. Finding less of me and more of HIM.
1. Seeing my husbands eyes when I put on that..."LITTLE" Black dress!!!!!!!!!

There ya go...my Top 20!!!!!!!!!