Sunday, January 8, 2012

Lap 1.....

Eight weeks ago I embarked on a journey. A journey I never really imagined I would actually go on. I am traveling to ME. Almost everyday I am at least walking for 30 minutes and then at another time during the day I also "exercise" for about 40 minutes. Currently I am doing 45 and 45 minutes on each of those, but when I started it was all I could do to walk 15 minutes and exercise for 20. So shoot a bug !!!! I am doing stinking AWESEOME!!! Not everyday is awesome though and certainly not every moment within that day or even within those workout times. There is a whole lot of stuff going on in my life and there is for sure a whole lot of stuff going on in my head. By Lap 4 there is nothing but stuff in my head! Here is today's recap!
Lap 1.... Lap one is a warm-up lap. I use this time to get all the kinks out. You know get the shoes on right and laces tied. I try to stretch all those muscles I supposedly have even though I have no clue as to there whereabouts. Fix the headphone/earplug thingamajigs! Cue the music to just the right song. Make sure the neighbors boxer/bulldogs are caged in and not running after me. Those kinds of things and then I am on to the next lap.
Lap 2... Oh I am starting to feel it now and I am looking for an OUT! You know...the Hmmm? Did I turn the oven off? Did I check Grace's glucose readings? Ummm? Maybe I'll just get the mail and go back in and read the mail and oh yes I need to read my Bible...that is priority you know! About halfway threw lap two I start thinking wow how nice would it be if I had one of those water tables set up like they do in all the cool marathon races. Oh that would be know walk by grab one spill ten and then not drink it...dump it on my head!!!
At Lap 3... I am beyond thinking anything sensible. Where is my ticker timer clock one of those on this here electric pole would be loads of fun. Or one of those scrolling message thingies...with messages like WAY TO GO...OMG YOU ARE SO AWESOMENESS!!! Or simple like, " Lap 3 Baby and you are so feeling it keep going!!! Now I am wanting the water table so I can grab another one or two and pour one down my back and the other down my bra! I am at this point also looking over my shoulder every once in a while to make sure my neighbor is not about to run me over! That has happened twice now...after all I got those ear buds in my ears and can't hear anything but MUSIC and my heavy breathing of course!
Lap 4... At this point I am dizzy from looking back over my shoulder wondering who is going to run me over and from the heart rate being up for while now. I am starting to whimper so I start cuing the music on songs like, "This is WAR!" and "Indestructible!" I start stripping off clothing! Lord help the neighbors...there is no telling what they are thinking and at this point I don't care! Jacket comes off and is tied around my waist! Wait...Wait...Wait for it...I just TIED my jacket around my waist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh Oh Oh and is that sweat on my knees? Why yes it is. How did that get there? By golly I got slack in these here jeans and I LOOK GOOD!!!!! ( of course it's all in my head folks cause I still weigh 285!) I at some point think it would be fun to throw me some ROCKY boxing punches in there to spice things up a bit. I ponder trying to jog...but only ponder it. I have been told no jogging and no jump roping for fear of a black eye or two as well as other possible injuries. I touch the pavement for the forth time and I'm crying. I am pissed off at this point and every muscle I have is telling me that I can not do this. I have 1/2 a lap to go to get back to my house and home of my favorite RECLINER! I cue Shine as I round the corner and a lay my eyes on the prize! The prize neighbors drive way! Which goes straight UP HILL!!! I only got to go half way right? That's right halfway up there is a nick in the marker. Just head towards the marker!!!If the neighbor runs me over or the dogs get loose at this point....I will be one HAPPY women! Eye on the prize ...Eye one the prize Michelle!..Hands are on hips. I am gasping for breath...yet equally exhilarated and thrilled with myself...I am almost there. BUT wouldn't it be nice to have one of those water tables they have in those fancy marathons. You know the ones where you can grab a water, knock ten over and DRINK ONE!!! I am at the bottom of the hill...if I cut it here and go on one is ever going to know the difference. I have been at this for about 47 minutes now...then again how would I know I don't have one of those fancy clock/lap timer thingies! I am NOT a quitter! I am NOT a cheat! I am not a liar! Get you hind end up that hill!!!! You know it is hard to find your marker when there is sweat in your eyes. There IT is!!!!!!!! Stomp it STOMP all over it!!! Now tuck and roll! Forget that silly paper cup of water! I want a BIG 16 ounce bottle! Yes yes drop a lemon in it, slap on a nipple, I am going to crawl right on under that table, kick my feet up just like baby Carson and drink my fill my Father's lap! Actually in my recliner...because I do NOT have no water table station! Bummers!!!
I did it! I did it! I did it!!!...I think I'll bog about it!

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