Thursday, May 19, 2011

If I told you everything....?

If I were to tell you all the thoughts that come across my mind; you would be in such a condition that I would need you to sign a disclaimer proclaiming I am NOT responsible for the mess in your pants! I mean did you know ...if you have long hair and if you lie across the bed and hang your head forward off the side of the bed and then brush it out straight in front of can cut your own hair and look at it at the same time...WAY easier than trying to cut it from behind you and try to see it and WAY better than asking your husband to trim it and then having a six inch chunk cut out...( You have my permission to read through that twice ...just so you get it...cause like that is one heck of a run on sentence.)
Did you know that six clucking chickens in the house just may drive me insane....been there before and it was not the fault of any chickens...but this time... I am sure the chicken will be the reason!...Yes you read that right? Go ahead ask me?....Dare ya? OK so there were 10...but some how over night four of them found their way onto my hit list....The things my husband gets to do...Poor fella! And no ...NO chickens where harmed.....Ummm? Just relocated!
OK so the Paul clan now consists of 2 adults, 3 kids, 2 rabbits, and 6 chickens!!!!!Someone tell me what WAS I thinking? Oh yes I know... I was thinking omelets, quiche, scrambled, fried, boiled, over-hard.....but most of all in my fridge for me to use....After I wash the chicken crap off of them!!!!
If I were to tell you everything then and only then would you be subject to truth... It might FREAK you out...It may run you off! has so been known to happen. Now never fear...I have learned just to nod and smile and say nothing...It has taken me years but I can do it....But do not ask me a real of them that you want a real answer could get awkward!!! For you at least.
And one other last little tid bit....39 is just too young to be having senior moments. A friend of mine has suddenly began getting lost going to and from her and from places...or areas...she has known all her life! Poor lady what is up with that...I shall not name names! But I do not think she is even 39 yet? It is also at this age when I have realized I am too old and not smart enough to still be having my period. I mean if I can no longer figure out exactly how to get all those wrappers off all those sticky parts and then get them stuck onto my's time to call this to an end. Seriously, WHO thought all these WINGS things in ya underwear was a good thing! Certainly was NOT some lady who can not for the life of her get them to stay stuck and folded around the underside of her bloomers. So if you happen to see me out and about and headed to the "Little Ladies Room"...( Little Ladies Room? Who the crack every gave that place a name like that? Don't get me started on that) Anyways....Squirrel!!!!........Yes Yes Yes... if you see me headed to the bathroom with a peculiar look about my face and a strange walk...NO I do not have to go pooh pooper do!!! But I may for sure have something sticky taped to certain parts that I have...that should absolutely NOT have sticky tape stuck to them. If you have no idea what I am talking about them...A) YOU are male. or B) you are not 39 yet!!!! Yes folks this does happen and it can happen to you. Might even happen in the middle of church...and for goodness sake you know it's going happen in Wal-Mart!!!....Now y'all go have ya a good evening..go think about something funny and love on your loves...makes for some of the best sleep...Well that and go do that too! (Now you knew I was not going to blog and not say something "religious"!) So sorry I am a JESUS FREAK!!!!( Sorry GUYS for any unintended TMI)....(or is it TMV) Yes maybe BOTH!!! Soooo Sorry...well really NOT!!!!Have a good evening...Love ....Y'all...( I so sound like Paula Dean!) Now I do love me some Paula Dean.....

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